In Memory of Gavin Petrie, writer, producer, bon viveur, haggis-lover and husband to award-winning comedy writer Jan Etherington, who died on November 5th 2025 with Jan and her daughter Lucy holding his hands.

With our sympathy and huge thanks to Jan who became Gavin’s carer following his Alzheimer's diagnosis in 2019. Recently Jan had contributed this magnificent story of their long marriage to our “Carers’ Lives in 100 Object Gallery”.  We can think of no better way to celebrate Gavin’s wonderful life than by reproducing Jan’s words loving, hilarious and poignant story here.

"And he made me laugh. My God how he made me laugh."

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JAN ETHERINGTON, multi-award winning writer, producer & creator of Radio 4’s acclaimed comic masterpiece “Conversations From A Long Marriage” cared for her husband Gavin Petrie, a famous figure himself in the media world, who had Alzheimer’s.

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I have to confess that I chased Gavin – until he caught me.

He was a divorced, Fleet Street Editor when we met and had just moved from editing the music magazine Disc and Music Echo to Features Editor of SHE magazine, where I had a column.

In 1971, when he was at Disc, one of his star writers, Penny Valentine, wrote pen portraits of her fellow journalists.  Of Gavin, she said:

GAVIN PETRIE….EDITOR: Scottish Nationalist. Very strong, funny and determined. Flaps only inside. Would have made an excellent clan leader, MP or doctor. Drinks more than any other member of highly alcoholic staff but will probably die of an overdose of haggis

I was a freelance journalist with two children at school, a large dog – and a husband. But the minute I knocked on the Features Editor’s door at SHE magazine and heard a very gruff Scottish ‘Enter!’  I knew Gavin was the one.

It helped that he was the spit of my crush, Dustin Hoffman.

Gavin had no such lightbulb moment. He certainly didn’t hear violins or the ping of Cupid’s arrow. I was just ‘another freelance’ whose copy needed copious amounts of red pencil marks.

After a year or two, he did suggest lunch – or maybe that was me – but then he forgot I was coming and I passed him in the street, taking another female writer out for a drink!

So I pretty much accepted that we were just working colleagues and began doing major features for TV Times instead.

One day, I walked into TV Times and Gavin was sitting in the Features Editor chair.

It was one of the happiest days of my life.

We worked together, went to lunch a lot – eventually we played footsie under the table -although he thought a rat had escaped and leapt to his feet - and then he wrote me a letter, which ended

‘I remember Moyra Browne. Her ashblonde, short hair shone like a beacon in bible class. I, a daring 15, persuaded her to walk with me on Granton Harbour. Then one day it was over. She was fickle and 14.

But I always remember that agony and thrill of saying goodbye one Sunday and knowing it was a whole week of suffering before I would see her again. I’ve honestly never felt that agony and thrill again, until this week…’

I restrained myself from saying ‘about time’ and although it was hard and complicated we became a couple – in life and in work - writing many TV and radio comedy series, including Second Thoughts; Faith In The Future and Next of Kin. Have I ever regretted it? Many, many times.

Notably, on the night of a TV Times Christmas party when the staff for some bizarre reason, were given a frozen turkey instead of a bonus.

One of the writers didn’t want his, so Gavin said he’d take both.  Apparently, the weight of the turkeys – which he strung round his neck - propelled him down the escalator and miraculously onto the homeward train.

After midnight, the phone rang.  A hoarse, familiar voice was singing ‘We’re riding along on the crest of a wave…’

‘Where are you?’ ‘No idea’. ‘Can’t you get a taxi?’ ‘Nobody here’. (No mobiles)

‘There was a house with a light on but as I walked towards it, it went out. Oh it says Little Bookham’ A tiny station.

‘Why didn’t you stay on til Leatherhead? Civilisation? Taxis?’

‘I just fell asleep and then woke up and jumped out when the train stopped.’ Smart!

I drove my Triumph Herald across Surrey, in a snowstorm, swearing.  He’d lost one turkey on the way (‘I definitely had it at Surbiton’) and the other was missing a leg. Let’s just say it wasn’t the best Christmas ever.

Gavin was a legendary roisterer but is the kindest and most honest man I know.

He was an inventive cook, a creative gardener and a wonderful stepfather. He  always took my children’s side instead of mine and taught them useful things like how to play poker and break into your own house when you’ve lost the key.

In around 2017, I was keen for us to write a comedy about a long married couple, still passionate about life, music and each other but I noticed Gavin was slowing down and seemed unable to make a creative contribution.

So I wrote my Radio 4 two-hander, CONVERSATIONS FROM A LONG MARRIAGE on my own, for Joanna Lumley and Roger Allam and I’ve just finished writing Series 7.

Friends say ‘It’s just like you two’ and I realise it’s a love letter to Gavin and the way we were.

In the early days, I did ask him what he thought was the secret of a long marriage. He said, without a beat ‘You tell me and I’ll agree’.

Gavin’s Memory Album was compiled at the Pear Tree Fund in Halesworth, Suffolk - a charity which supports dementia sufferers and their families. I am now a Patron. A number of couples, including us, took part in a Hopes & Dreams series of meetings, during which each couple gathered photos together and created an album. This was a huge success and not only tells Gavin’s life story but also encourages him to talk about each photograph. It is, therefore, my choice for the Carers’ Gallery because the pages remind both him and me of our chaotic, productive and (mostly) hilarious 46 years together.

In 2019, when I told his oldest friend and fellow journalist, Jim Dalrymple that Gavin had Alzheimer’s, Jim wrote me a letter.

‘Gavin was one of the huge figures in my life and I love him very much. When I was behaving like a lunatic, he pulled me back and never abandoned me. And he made me laugh. My God how he made me laugh’.

I thought, I could have written those words because that’s how I feel and Gavin is still my hot date, after 40 years. Even though he can no longer remember where we’re going.

Jan Etherington

October 2025

Jan is a Patron of The Pear Tree Fund, a charity in Halesworth, Suffolk, which supports dementia patients and their families.

To visit the Carers’ Lives Gallery - and read all the stories : https://www.carerslives100.co.uk/

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